this morning for Boy Scout winter camp. One left at home to be this week's lonely only.
I have mixed feelings about all of this today. Thinking of the reduction in numbers makes me count what God has done.
We spent yesterday with family who have four boys ranging in age from 13 to 3 months. I have four boys ranging in age from 16 to 9 but only three are with me, and yesterday watching all these cousins together, talking about past history, I went to bed emotionally weary.
A Christmas card of a mom and dad with their four boys left me in a teary puddle last week. Because my Christmas card, while named a Smilebox, is partly tear streaked knowing that one boy is missing from our card.
I can thank God for His many gifts but I will not deny sorrow that has come with those gifts.
The years have blessed my family but not always in the ways we like to count blessings. Every year marks the sweet and salty milestones. Twenty years of marriage and fourteen since I almost walked out. Three boys with us and one boy not with us. Twelve years in this town and nine of those longer than we thought or desired. For every number of smiles, sometimes three times as many tears.
Our shadows of pain streaked with the light of His goodness to never forget us. The works of God both terrible and brilliant. He is still the One to whom we look for grace. Grace for this day and every one future.
For He knows the number of our days. May we count them for His glory.