November's postings of gratitude have me in such a habit of daily posting that I knew something was missing this evening when I opened my computer. So here it is.
Today started out a bit slow and tedious and I wondered if the whole day would follow in pattern. Stamina after back surgery is a real bear. Granted I wasn't a triathlete before surgery but I was a really active mom. Always up and about. So simple tasks like washing your hair shouldn't leave you wiped out.
But that is exactly how I felt after my shower this morning. I had to lie down and rest while Husband took his shower. Then he sat me in a chair so I could dry my hair and finish getting ready. Fortunately, after breakfast I was able to lie down and read our history book before getting back up to teach the rest of the school morning.
It is really humbling to not be able to do for yourself what you are used to being able to do for yourself and quite used to doing for other people. Being on the receiving end of help is a different vision than being on the giving end. And yet both are necessary. Both should be humbling.
Receiving help is more easily understood as humbling because you, in many cases, are literally quite helpless. Once Husband puts me in bed at night, I'm set to lie there until he takes me out or I wake him up and ask him to take me out. Literally helpless. I not only have to practice gratitude for his help but the practice must first come from an understanding of his heart to help and my position that requires such help.
Today I put on a pair of socks all by myself. That was a big accomplishment. Progress is measured in small steps these days.
But giving help should also be a lesson in humility because it must come from an understanding that if not for the grace of God, there go I. That your sufficiency is as fleeting as mashed potatoes in front of a 13 year old boy. That your ability to give help to another of God's creatures is His gift to you. That He would condescend to use you when so many others are smarter, wittier, more attractive and better at Scrabble.
This season of life is requiring that I am a receiver. But one day I pray that the Lord will return me to being a giver with the increased compassion that is growing in me for what it means to be in that literally helpless position. Let that knowledge make me more humble when I am used by Him. It should constantly be an exercise in growing lesser that He would grow greater.