Saturday, October 16, 2010


You are missed today, son. You're missed every day in some way when I survey your brothers, whom you have never met. Their interactions ask the question of what would it be like if there were one more? Here?

This morning on the way to the soccer game I caught myself watching the clock for the exact time. I made myself look away. I didn't want to be caught in it. I know where you are and why you are there. That is enough for me.

At the soccer game I was talking to another mom and asked how old her oldest son was. She replied, "Sixteen." That's how old you would be. He was kicking the ball around with his youngest brother and being really great with him. I stood there and wondered if you would have done so with your younger brothers.

You were my firstborn joy. You made me a mom. You were an answer to prayer. I am wordlessly grateful for the time God allowed me to have with you. Eternity is a mere whisper away. God's promises are secured in Christ. I have no fear of these days because He has given me all necessary for faith and life. I have seen His "face" in His works throughout your life and His goodness to us in all the days since.

Today I decided to celebrate you with popcorn. It was your favorite treat. And since you, it has become my own significant comfort food. Your brothers and I will pop a large bowl and spend time together laughing at a silly movie.

You will still be missed, but with the peace of assurance that only the Lord in His mercy can give. And He has given so very generously today.


  1. I can hardly read these posts my beloved friend.

  2. Yesterday you posted reminders that God is always good. Today's tender memory of James is yet another reminder of His goodness. Great sorrow with great peace is evidence of God's great mercy. It's a very lovely thing to see/read.

  3. I'm so sorry I missed the day, but I'm so glad I didn't miss this post. I'm blessed by your tributes to James. Reminding me that my children are a blessing when the duties of the day wear me down. Moments of clarity and refocus on what matters. Thank you.

  4. What hope we have in Christ, something I remember today when I held a precious, tiny baby not expected to live to her first birthday. Her mom's faith is strong and she not only trusts the Lord's goodness and His sovereignty but she is grateful for however long He grants her daughter life and breath. She reminds me of you.