Friday, September 17, 2010

Growing up in a home...

of majority girls, I was not privy to the secrets of a Y chromosome. I endured the years of drama and tears and emotionalism and even hysteria that can and usually do accompany an extra X. I was as guilty as the next girl.

And before the women begin to believe I am about to bash our shared gender, let me tell you that stereotypes occur because of some truth within. Calling a spade a wheelbarrow does no one any good other than the ability to carry more composting material. (I am being purposefully genteel. Your welcome.) Which is usually the point behind such a distraction.

However, my point is not to bash. Women are what they are and always have been. It is only the difference of His grace that any are able to and do change. For women by the grace of God are His redeemed ones and "in that day" will be His in perfection. Until then, we must be big girls about our weaknesses and pray the diligent study of the Word of God would do its good work in our thoughts and obedience.

This post though is about the stereotypes of the Y chromosome which fills my house in growth mode plus one this week and has given new meaning to vim and vigor.

First, the Y chromosome is apparently unable to walk through a room when other Y's are present. Instead there must needs be some sort of physical contact, preferably of the punching, jabbing, arm twisting type. Additionally, some one must hurdle something. A cat or couch will suffice. And please do not forget the sound effects that must accompany both the physical contact and the hurdling. If it doesn't sound like a jet propulsion or rocket explosion, it does not count.

Second, the Y chromosome in growth mode is unable to lift a fork or spoon to the mouth. Instead said fork or spoon must be shoveled in at not only great speed and force but also with the free hand reaching for seconds, I mean thirds. Any food that falls out in the transfer from plate or bowl to mouth is quickly re-scooped and re-shoveled. Unless of course said food does not manage to hit the plate or bowl. If said food lands on the table it is considered invisible. Even by the Y holder tasked to wipe the table.

Third, moving around in an upstairs room quietly must not ever happen. The downstairs residents must always be aware of Y holders being upstairs. There are various ways to accomplish this. One may erratically holler or shout out war cries. One may randomly jump from one section of the floor to another. One may even somersault to accomplish movement within a room. Extra points are scored when the somersault knocks over a piece of furniture.

Fourth, all bodily noises are humorous. ALL BODILY NOISES ARE HUMOROUS. Enough said. You would think.

Fifth, trying to accomplish bodily noises is mandatory to the Y holder. See fourth point above. More than enough said.

Sixth, a day without bodily noises is not a good day. Something may be wrong with the Y holder. He may complain of a stomachache that needs a bodily noise to help a brother out. Or he may simply ask for more food.

Seventh, Y holders in growth mode require four large feedings a day and two small feedings a day. Y holders in growth mode have been compared to locust invasions. But that is unfair to the locusts who are able to move more quietly through a field than Y holders through a kitchen.

Eighth, Y holders do not rely on conversation necessarily for communication. Having all ready noted the physicality of such as well as the use of sound effects, please do not forget that an entire range of  hand motions and body language actions is also effective for getting your point across. Unless of course a double X holder is watching and then she has no idea what his head did when hit by the ball but it sure looked exciting. !!

Ninth, anything, from pencil to paper towel holder to twist ties strung together, can be magically transformed into a weapon of mass destruction. Elaborate rules regarding the weapon's powers are quickly and almost universally known by Y holders who decry agreement on said rules instead agreeing to complex time in, time out, release time statutes to take care of any possible misunderstandings.

Tenth, Y holders have the ability to spend time with one another in perfect synchronicity as long as items one through nine occur. Any setting, the pool, the kitchen, the backyard, or a waiting room, is free range. Complications that might possibly begin are resolved by one of the above nine items occurring which elicits either uproarious laughter or vigorous back slaps allowing aforesaid complications to become as invisible as food on a table.

This double X holder is amazed at Y holders and continues to grow in her fascination with the effects of testosterone whether in growth mode or not. God knew exactly what He was doing when He gave me these gifts.

And I remind myself of such every time items one through ten occur.


  1. This is a foreign land you speak of. Grew up with all sisters, as did husband, and how have all girls.

    God bless you. :)

  2. Since I've got two brothers, I have already experienced some of this...but I had forgotten. Now that you've reminded me, I know what I have to look forward to! Thanks!!