to me last week:
First, I had my eyebrows waxed. Not being one to rush the idea of beauty, (aren't we just supposed to age into it? Snort.) I had never endured this particular ritual. It was not at all bad in regards to the crazy things we women do to look good department.
Why did this suddenly happen at the grand age of 39? Did I wake up that morning sprouting and sporting a mono-brow?
No. I went to a grand opening of an Ulta® Beauty store.
The store is aptly named. Ul-ta. As in Ul-ti-mate.
I wanted to walk around speaking in the deep, booming voice of a monster truck rally announcer, "Ladies and ladies, take note of the wrinkle blasting, age spot erasing, skin defining flame throwing action of our products! We've got pimple busters, unsightly hair tweezers and microdermabrasive skin cleansers! We'll take it off, cover it up or straighten it out! Come one, come all to ULTA!"
The second first, or rather first first (because this happened first chronologically) was standing in line for a grand opening. Usually I pooh-pooh such things and wait for the din to die down.
Oh no, there I was with 3 sons in tow at the grand opening of a Taj Mahal to women's vanity. Does it count for a homeschooling moment that I read our literature book to them while waiting in line?
And then, for a third first, I underwent a minerals makeup makeover. Actually they, the minerals people, call it a makeunder. It really is all about marketing, huh? I was a bit non-plussed by the results. Under the Ulta lights, my pores looked as big as dimes. I thought the minerals shtick was to easily and lightly cover, to look like you're not wearing makeup at all.
Followed by the whole someone slapped me across the eyebrows redness look that soon followed, I tried to get out of the store as quickly as possible. Before someone grabbed me and did try to flamethrow my crows feet away.
By the time I got home though, everything and everyone had calmed down, and under my lights the mineral stuff didn't look half bad. That just means if I plunk such money down, I can never go into the Ulta store again.
I know three future men who wouldn't complain at all over that.