Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Running on mountain time...

consists of not much running at all. It does consist of extra sleep and relaxation which always leads to mind clearing that segues into conversation followed by family goal setting interspersed with much laughter and general romantic jazz. This is our week of intense re-connection with one another. And both of us really, really look forward to the time.

For both of us, mountain time involves the concentration of communication with one another. The dailiness of life can crowd out the complete thoughts we mean to share with one another but mountain time gives us a whole week of date nights and days to spend finishing thoughts with one another. Mountain time should not be reserved for only the mountains though.

A friend recently commented to me how much she sees Husband and I talking with one another. About everything. And all the time. I thought all husbands and wives talked a lot with one another. I grew up seeing my Mom and Dad talk all the time. My sister and her husband talk with each other a lot. It is the pattern I am accustomed to following.

More than a pattern though is the fact that Husband is my best friend. He knows me better than anyone else in the whole world. And still loves me. That's worth talking. A lot.

It took time for us to work out communication skills. But we worked at it (and still do), and God orchestrated events in our lives that necessitated real communication. In our first year of marriage we lived in South Korea. When an argument surfaced, I did not have even a local friend to call to "vent", let alone call, email or drive home to Mom's. The talking, the communicating had to be done with the man across the room from me. Our 800 square ft apartment could suddenly shrink to 4 square ft if we chose to ignore the "issue". Not talking was not an option that allowed for sustained living.

The roughest patches of our marriage have always been when we chose to stop communicating. Whether it stems from laziness or indifference or selfishness, not communicating with one another is a relationship killer for us. So, we keep working at it. What mountain time has impressed upon us in its luxury of extra space and time is that the daily work of talking with one another makes this time so much more special.

We know that we will not always have the mountain time, but the daily and weekly time opportunities do happen and therefore require the consistency of communication.

How do you and your husband carve out "mountain time" during the day, week, month and year?


  1. Since we moved south and have been able to find a baby-sitter more easily, we're budgeting in a weekly date night. It's costly, but almost NECESSARY in this season of life with all the little people. By the time we get all the voices silenced at the end of the day, our own voices are distinctly tired and sometimes unable to be used with any sort of logic. One evening a week where someone else handles dish detail and dinner time chatter means we have some energy to spare for the unfinished sentences, the weekly planning, and talking about our kids in a way that helps us remember how much we like them and how funny they are. And we also get a chance to laugh with each other, which is pretty much key to survival.

    We're also firm believers in the adage that "the couple who plays together, stays together," so we love us a good game night and avidly collect two player games.

  2. One of my favorite parts of the day is hanging out at the dinner table with my husband after the kids have cleared their plates and moved on to playing. I'm also a big fan of date nights - we're going on one tonight in fact.

  3. We're walking 1.8 miles together in about 15 minutes. It's becoming a routine we both look forward to.

    We also regularly sit down together after the kids go to bed. We often start to play a recorded tv show, but find that we pause it for extended periods just to talk. There are times when we pause so long to talk that it takes days to complete the viewing.

    You're right, communication is the foundation of a great relationship.

  4. We don't have the interruptions of younger child(ren) any more but daily life still interferes with our time to really communicate unless we carve out that time. For Andy and me, its a nightly walk with the dog and an (almost) weekly date at our local Caribou coffee shop. I so look forward to that time!