I honestly thought...

that my brains might liquefy today. I was not tracking down the rank smell in the van. That would have made my nose hairs liquefy. I was not fretting over what to serve for supper. That would have been solved by Ramen and scrambled eggs. I wasn't even trying to come up with a blog post. There's always something to blog about, it's the time that liquefies.

No, I was trying to explain fractions to my fourth graders. Cue sympathetic groaning and grimaces--please.

I remember weeping over fractions in the fourth grade. Mrs. Lunn was cheerily writing numbers on the board when suddenly her hand must have slipped because this strange line cleaved one number from another. I thought, "What a strange way to write 12 with that slanted line thingy there." Of course, delusions can only last for so long and when she began to explain with circles for pies and rectangles for candy bars that there were portions and proportions and propositions (no wait, propositions was later in debate), I began to weep.

And the crying did not stop for years. In fact, the wailing over fractions was only superceded by the distress that occurred when the alphabet had an unfortunate train wreck with a number line birthing the illegitimate offspring known as algebra. ~~Shudder~~

Are you getting my point here that math and I have a complicated and estranged relationship? Naturally my distaste for all things numeratous is widely known amongst friends and families. When we announced that we were going to homeschool, they didn't ask about our boys' socialization--they asked who was going to teach them math.

And I said, "Their daddy." Which is true. But the in the trenches work of the daily lessons falls to this ditch digger. I figure that what I missed in my own elementary years can be part and parcel of the perk of homeschooling--namely learning along with my children. The fact that I have access to the answer keys, to the lesson plans, to the teacher's book are all huge point factors in my favor now. Things that I did not have in the fourth grade. For the most part the major bumps and bruises that occur with learning math have been simple issues resolved when Daddy comes home.

However, my nemesis, FRACTIONS, did threaten to undo me today, and cause my brains to liquefy, and send me to nurse my woes on a Symphony milk chocolate toffee bar carefully hidden in the refrigerator.

End result: we all know what a denominator and numerator are. We all know how to discover what fraction of a dollar a penny, nickel, dime, and quarter comprise. And we all know that when fractions are on the scene, circles are pies and rectangles are candy bars.